With 2013 done and over with, I am happy to say I made it out alive. It was touch and go there for the first five months of the year. I was sitting in church last night (yes I do that now) and all of a sudden while listening to the message I had a flashback. A year-in-review kind of flashback. January through May I was struggling with the idea of not living anymore, June-September I'm starting to like life a little bit again and October-December...LOOK OUT! There's a new sheriff in town. Seriously. If someone would have asked me to plan my life from May until now I would have short-changed myself, like a lot.
My childhood was pretty darn cool. I grew up on a 30-acre horse farm, summered in Nantucket, wintered in Florida...you get the picture. I was spoiled. Until the day I had to leave the farm and I thought my life had ended. I spent the next 20 years filling the void with people, places and things that never worked for very long. I just learned a few months ago that the void I had been longing to fill could only be filled by one thing. Not horses, not chocolate, not men, not booze, not any other substance. Only God could have filled that void.
Now let me tell you what my God has done for me lately:
1. Was introduced to horses again, which led to me working on a horse farm, which has led me to living on a horse farm. Um...how many people get the chance to go back to the place in their life where they were most happy and get a "do-over"?
2. Been given a spiritual family that consists of an Owl, a Dr., a nurse, a woman that is as animal crazy as I am and many more...(the owl is a person, that is our code-name for her.)
3. God put a dog in my path that needed companionship as much as I did and as a result I will be learning to train dogs...another life-long dream of mine.
4. I get to serve at my church doing what I do best...social media. Well...being cool is what I do best but being all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram falls somewhere near the top too.
I mean...if you would have tried to tell me that God loves me 8 months ago I would have rolled my eyes at you and walked away. Today, you tell me God loves me and I'm like, "I KNOOOOOOW RIGHT!!!"
I heard something pretty amazing last night and it goes something like this:
"Wise planning is asking what God desires of you and then you pursue it." -Ed Stetzer
Can I tell you I don't even have to ask what God desires of me sometimes because he just places me in positions to succeed. Places people in my life that just blow my mind (in a good way) and reunite me with people that I have hurt in the past and allows me the opportunity to show them how He has worked in me.
It feels SO good to just Let Go and Let God!
Happy 2014? Absolutely!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Life is like...
My bestest friend in the whole wide world, "Marie", and I started a blog years ago. I have honestly never had more fun writing as I did for that period of time. I was looking back over it and wanted to share. So here it is:
Our Box of Chocolates
Meet Aislyn and Marie. Two best friends offering real-life, humorous takes on everything from America to Zoloft, all while raising questions and raising babies. Sink your teeth into these mouthwatering morsels of insight, of wisdom and of life experience, uncensored.
Our Box of Chocolates
Meet Aislyn and Marie. Two best friends offering real-life, humorous takes on everything from America to Zoloft, all while raising questions and raising babies. Sink your teeth into these mouthwatering morsels of insight, of wisdom and of life experience, uncensored.
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Arachnophobi-BLAH
I hate spiders! That could be my whole post right there. However, I will explain further how my hatred of these eight legged heart stoppers came into existence.
The year is 1994. The place is Pine-Richland high school. The specific location is Health class. For the life of me I can't remember the teachers name so for the sake of my sanity I'll just call him Mr. Are-you-kidding-me. He was probably the weirdest, most off-the-wall, random man I had met at that point in my life. So one day we are sitting in class and he says we are watching a movie today. The movie...Arachnophobia. Prior to the viewing of this movie I can't recall a time in my life where I even gave spiders a second thought. Post trauma of said movie, the sight of a spider turns me into a karate master. Why on earth this man would show a movie about some roided up arachnid that terrorizes a town is beyond me but this also came from a man who once told us he was kicked so hard in the gonads while playing football they swelled to the size of grapefruits. Useful information clearly...
So as I travel down the road of life, every time I see a spider my heart stops, I go into fight club mode and I seek to destroy any that come in my path.
Now, the year is 2013 and I am working on a farm in Homestead, FL. My dream job. I ride horses almost every day I am there. It is a gorgeous 10-acre landscape that just brings peace to my heart, until the day I discover that the population of spiders in and around this location is disgustingly high. The most popular spider is the banana spider. These effers are almost the size of a small hand and build their webs at the exact height that my head is when I am on a horse. Additionally, there are barn spiders that may or may not be Brown Recluse. I am a bit heartbroken that every day I go to work I have to bring my black belt in spider slaying but it is the hand I've been dealt and I am willing to play.
However, I would like to share a small victory for mankind. I was cleaning out a box where equine medicine is kept and a fat, nasty beast of a spider came flying out like IT was scared. (Oh...and whoever said that spiders are more scared of us than we are of them was smoking something good. I mean, what...did a spider share this information with you? Did it tell you that it screams like a little girl at a Justin Bieber concert when a human gets too close? I don't think so...) Anywho...so this thing came flying out and ran up one side of the stall door and in where the horse was and this girl flung open the door, shoved the horse out of the way and karate kicked that bastard into the next millennium.
And then...then...I left the carcass there as a warning to all his little spidey friends.
Below is an image of the banana spider...go ahead...gag...I do it every time I see one.
The year is 1994. The place is Pine-Richland high school. The specific location is Health class. For the life of me I can't remember the teachers name so for the sake of my sanity I'll just call him Mr. Are-you-kidding-me. He was probably the weirdest, most off-the-wall, random man I had met at that point in my life. So one day we are sitting in class and he says we are watching a movie today. The movie...Arachnophobia. Prior to the viewing of this movie I can't recall a time in my life where I even gave spiders a second thought. Post trauma of said movie, the sight of a spider turns me into a karate master. Why on earth this man would show a movie about some roided up arachnid that terrorizes a town is beyond me but this also came from a man who once told us he was kicked so hard in the gonads while playing football they swelled to the size of grapefruits. Useful information clearly...
So as I travel down the road of life, every time I see a spider my heart stops, I go into fight club mode and I seek to destroy any that come in my path.
Now, the year is 2013 and I am working on a farm in Homestead, FL. My dream job. I ride horses almost every day I am there. It is a gorgeous 10-acre landscape that just brings peace to my heart, until the day I discover that the population of spiders in and around this location is disgustingly high. The most popular spider is the banana spider. These effers are almost the size of a small hand and build their webs at the exact height that my head is when I am on a horse. Additionally, there are barn spiders that may or may not be Brown Recluse. I am a bit heartbroken that every day I go to work I have to bring my black belt in spider slaying but it is the hand I've been dealt and I am willing to play.
However, I would like to share a small victory for mankind. I was cleaning out a box where equine medicine is kept and a fat, nasty beast of a spider came flying out like IT was scared. (Oh...and whoever said that spiders are more scared of us than we are of them was smoking something good. I mean, what...did a spider share this information with you? Did it tell you that it screams like a little girl at a Justin Bieber concert when a human gets too close? I don't think so...) Anywho...so this thing came flying out and ran up one side of the stall door and in where the horse was and this girl flung open the door, shoved the horse out of the way and karate kicked that bastard into the next millennium.
And then...then...I left the carcass there as a warning to all his little spidey friends.
Below is an image of the banana spider...go ahead...gag...I do it every time I see one.
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Nicole
In my 28 years of teaching I had about 2700 students pass through my classroom door. Many keep in contact for a year or so after graduation and less keep in contact longer. I have a handful of students well past college age who I still keep in touch with.
However, one student, Nicole, got under my skin, crawled through me straight to my heart and sat herself there like a naughty kid in the time-out chair. She wasn't poor or homeless or lonely or friendless, she just needed something that, apparently I had. A few times a week she'd appear at my door after school, to talk, or to ask questions, or for approval that she mattered, I think.
She'd sit and stare, comfortable with the quiet as I would finish up some work...such a dear...a petite blond, with big brown eyes peering at me..silently. My prayer was always the same, "Please Lord help me say or do the right thing to help her."
You would think "cheerleader" if you saw her even today. Nicole is 32 now and this sweet young woman has seen more of life than most people have, and has been to "there" and back far too many times. She suffered her share of teenage angst and then had many years after high school seriously struggling to get her act together. And I mean, seriously. She'll write her own story about those years one day.
I wrote the above post on my blog about four years ago. I think "one day" is now and she's begun to put her story together. I'm happy she's doing this. Her road has been filled with more potholes, hairpin turns, road blocks and speed bumps than most of us could imagine. She has a better "vehicle" now and it looks like she's taking better roads. Stay tuned folks, I think this is gonna be good! :)
The Nest
Have you ever been witness to one of those moments that change your life forever? I mean, the moment is happening, you are fully present and aware of what is going on, and you can feel in your soul that from that second on, things will never be the same? I have had "ah ha" moments, in retrospect, that I can see were defining but very few in the moment experiences. When I was 12 I had a moment like that. My parents had divorced and had sold the farm I had grown up on and it was the day I would leave and never return. I was standing on the front porch, empty house behind me, step-mother in front of me, and in that moment I knew life would never be the same again. Boy was I right. You'll get the in between 12 and 32 story some other time.
Now fast forward...I'm 32 and in a place where I'd rather not be. I am struggling to be there, every inch of my being is telling me to go but a tiny voice I had never heard before is whispering "stay". So I fight off my inner demon that is telling me "RUN" and I decide to give living one last shot. That was May 13, 2013. Now you need to know that prior to this I had no belief in God, no desire to know God and really could care less if there was a God. It is no coincidence that the place where I would end up is faith-based and implications of God are everywhere. Struggling and struggling, I finally give in and start asking questions about this God character. "If there is a God, then why has my life been so filled with pain? Why doesn't God fix my problems when I am up shit creek? Where was God when I had to leave the farm?" You get the idea. In this place where I am, is a tiny office tucked away, almost hidden (I actually had to ask where it was) where the Chaplain was. Mind you, I have no idea what a Chaplain is but I heard she was the woman to ask if I had questions about God, so I sucked up my pride, wiped my tears and went in.
Sitting behind the desk is a friendly face with a warm smile. She said her name was Chaplain Laura and she welcomed me to sit down. I sit down and the feeling of hopelessness and despair must have been written across my face because she called it out immediately. Our first (of many) conversations went on for about an hour. It was a little uncomfortable, only because the "G" word came up a lot and she prayed for me, which no one had ever done before. Over the next few weeks I opened the Bible she gave me and started rooting around. On May 29, 2013 I got smacked in the face with a truth that brought me to my knees. Another defining life moment. Over the next two days I had to make sure that what I read, processed and felt was really what I thought it was. Was it ever!! I ran, well, speed-walked, to Chaplain Laura's office and before I even stepped over the threshold I said "I'm ready". Ready for what, you ask? Ready to say the words that would bring me salvation. I repeat what the Chaplain says and although I didn't feel any change at that particular moment, what would happen over the next five months would change the course of my life forever.
Hopelessness, gone. Lack of faith, gone. Lack of belief in God, GONE. Self-esteem, love, meaningful friendships, conversations with God, moments of true peace and clarity...GOT IT!
Along my spiritual journey with Chaplain Laura, her office became affectionately known as "The Nest". She doesn't know this, (now she will) but when I was little, I would always see baby birds that had fallen out of their nests in our barn. I would pick them up and put them back, hoping the mama bird would take care of them so they wouldn't get hurt. I knew at such a young age that the nest is where they needed to be. To grow and be nurtured so one day they could be strong enough to fly. So when God put it on my heart to name her office The Nest, life had come full circle, as it sometimes does and I was now the baby bird who needed to be nurtured spiritually so I could grow and be strengthened enough so when the day came for me to fly, I would be ready.
I will be leaving my nest on November 13, 2013. This place that has been home for the past six months. So you may be wondering if I am leaving the nest, why the blog is "Letters From the Nest"? Well...the lessons I learned, the tears I cried and the joy I have found, I found in the nest. I take the nest with me wherever I go and I know that if I should ever need some spiritual nurturing, I can fly back any time and get what I need.
Now fast forward...I'm 32 and in a place where I'd rather not be. I am struggling to be there, every inch of my being is telling me to go but a tiny voice I had never heard before is whispering "stay". So I fight off my inner demon that is telling me "RUN" and I decide to give living one last shot. That was May 13, 2013. Now you need to know that prior to this I had no belief in God, no desire to know God and really could care less if there was a God. It is no coincidence that the place where I would end up is faith-based and implications of God are everywhere. Struggling and struggling, I finally give in and start asking questions about this God character. "If there is a God, then why has my life been so filled with pain? Why doesn't God fix my problems when I am up shit creek? Where was God when I had to leave the farm?" You get the idea. In this place where I am, is a tiny office tucked away, almost hidden (I actually had to ask where it was) where the Chaplain was. Mind you, I have no idea what a Chaplain is but I heard she was the woman to ask if I had questions about God, so I sucked up my pride, wiped my tears and went in.
Sitting behind the desk is a friendly face with a warm smile. She said her name was Chaplain Laura and she welcomed me to sit down. I sit down and the feeling of hopelessness and despair must have been written across my face because she called it out immediately. Our first (of many) conversations went on for about an hour. It was a little uncomfortable, only because the "G" word came up a lot and she prayed for me, which no one had ever done before. Over the next few weeks I opened the Bible she gave me and started rooting around. On May 29, 2013 I got smacked in the face with a truth that brought me to my knees. Another defining life moment. Over the next two days I had to make sure that what I read, processed and felt was really what I thought it was. Was it ever!! I ran, well, speed-walked, to Chaplain Laura's office and before I even stepped over the threshold I said "I'm ready". Ready for what, you ask? Ready to say the words that would bring me salvation. I repeat what the Chaplain says and although I didn't feel any change at that particular moment, what would happen over the next five months would change the course of my life forever.
Hopelessness, gone. Lack of faith, gone. Lack of belief in God, GONE. Self-esteem, love, meaningful friendships, conversations with God, moments of true peace and clarity...GOT IT!
Along my spiritual journey with Chaplain Laura, her office became affectionately known as "The Nest". She doesn't know this, (now she will) but when I was little, I would always see baby birds that had fallen out of their nests in our barn. I would pick them up and put them back, hoping the mama bird would take care of them so they wouldn't get hurt. I knew at such a young age that the nest is where they needed to be. To grow and be nurtured so one day they could be strong enough to fly. So when God put it on my heart to name her office The Nest, life had come full circle, as it sometimes does and I was now the baby bird who needed to be nurtured spiritually so I could grow and be strengthened enough so when the day came for me to fly, I would be ready.
I will be leaving my nest on November 13, 2013. This place that has been home for the past six months. So you may be wondering if I am leaving the nest, why the blog is "Letters From the Nest"? Well...the lessons I learned, the tears I cried and the joy I have found, I found in the nest. I take the nest with me wherever I go and I know that if I should ever need some spiritual nurturing, I can fly back any time and get what I need.
“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.”
- C. JoyBell
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