Arachnophobi-BLAH

I hate spiders! That could be my whole post right there. However, I will explain further how my hatred of these eight legged heart stoppers came into existence.

The year is 1994. The place is Pine-Richland high school. The specific location is Health class. For the life of me I can't remember the teachers name so for the sake of my sanity I'll just call him Mr. Are-you-kidding-me. He was probably the weirdest, most off-the-wall, random man I had met at that point in my life. So one day we are sitting in class and he says we are watching a movie today. The movie...Arachnophobia. Prior to the viewing of this movie I can't recall a time in my life where I even gave spiders a second thought. Post trauma of said movie, the sight of a spider turns me into a karate master. Why on earth this man would show a movie about some roided up arachnid that terrorizes a town is beyond me but this also came from a man who once told us he was kicked so hard in the gonads while playing football they swelled to the size of grapefruits. Useful information clearly...

So as I travel down the road of life, every time I see a spider my heart stops, I go into fight club mode and I seek to destroy any that come in my path.

Now, the year is 2013 and I am working on a farm in Homestead, FL. My dream job. I ride horses almost every day I am there. It is a gorgeous 10-acre landscape that just brings peace to my heart, until the day I discover that the population of spiders in and around this location is disgustingly high. The most popular spider is the banana spider. These effers are almost the size of a small hand and build their webs at the exact height that my head is when I am on a horse. Additionally, there are barn spiders that may or may not be Brown Recluse. I am a bit heartbroken that every day I go to work I have to bring my black belt in spider slaying but it is the hand I've been dealt and I am willing to play.

However, I would like to share a small victory for mankind. I was cleaning out a box where equine medicine is kept and a fat, nasty beast of a spider came flying out like IT was scared. (Oh...and whoever said that spiders are more scared of us than we are of them was smoking something good. I mean, what...did a spider share this information with you? Did it tell you that it screams like a little girl at a Justin Bieber concert when a human gets too close? I don't think so...) Anywho...so this thing came flying out and ran up one side of the stall door and in where the horse was and this girl flung open the door, shoved the horse out of the way and karate kicked that bastard into the next millennium.

And then...then...I left the carcass there as a warning to all his little spidey friends.

Below is an image of the banana spider...go ahead...gag...I do it every time I see one.